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She rejected me years ago. I then find out she has a kid and she is single. She contacts me out of nowhere and she says she wants to Hangout. Should I do It?

Than Wu
Data Science professional and Electrical Engineer

6w ago

I’m going to make a bold assertion.

You are that beta male nice dude.

And

She is past her prime and over 35.

This is how women work (I’m sorry to have to say this).

Good looking women in their 20s have a high SMV (sexual market value). They will not settle for the nice guy or the average looking guy. They go for the bigger and better deal or the raging alpha male. Now that she’s over 35 with a kid, her SMV is declining rapidly.

Women reach a point where they are quite aware that when they go out in public that they are being ignored by younger or even same age guys. To put it bluntly, after about 28 a women’s SMV starts declining. This is why women try to get married around this time and find their man fast because after that it just gets harder and harder because a lot of times by 35 she has guys that are like 50 hitting on her.

At 30 most men are finally just coming out of their shell and are ready to take on the world. A man’s SMV increases with age. Think George Clooney, even up to his late 40s, he never dated anyone over 28. So for a 30 or 35 year old man, the game is just starting. He should have no problem finding someone 5–10 years younger. I’m not saying a guy should find someone younger but generally this does happen a lot. Girls are genetically wired to like men that are a little older, secure and more financially established. They want that drama and attention. For example, I know a 27 year old good looking girl who married a 45 year old dude with a kid. Why would she do this? The only thing I can think of is she likes the attention, the security and the maturity this guy has to offer, none of which she will get from a guy her own age. I suppose it could be genuine love too! lol

In your case, she is finally ready for that beta male guy who can give her a nice sub-urban home and security that she desperately needs in her life at this time. In her 20s, she wouldn’t have dreamed of going out with you as you yourself pointed out. If it were me, I would not entertain her. By accepting this relationship, you are immediately becoming a doormat. That is, she is choosing you, not the other way around. Like others have said, “You are her backup plan”. It’s like being picked last in a basketball team in high school. I don’t care who you are but that hurts! Having been in that situation many times, that’s probably one of the most humiliating things that a kid could go through as all his male friends are watching him get picked last. That’s exactly what’s happening here, she is in a position where she has to go with her last pick (you). Don’t be that guy that gets picked last!

Wake up dude, there are plenty of other girls out there!

Morgan Ann McDowell

5w ago

The reason why a good number of men don’t want to date a single mom, is because they either don’t want to raise a kid that isn’t their own, and/or because they fear the drama that comes with the mom and kid/kids. It doesn’t, and I repeat it doesn’t make these guys immature or bad people, it just means they will not take on the responsibility of raising a kid that isn’t biologically theirs. There isn’t anything wrong with that, there are women out there that don’t want to date a single dad for the same reasons.

Then we have the issue of her rejecting you years ago, funny how all the sudden she wants to talk with you. Most women when they reject men, they usually mean it. They don’t usually change their minds and somehow think you are this “spectacular flower”.

I saw this image on Quora from a post, and it pretty much talks about the situation you might be in. The woman in the photo is rejecting the guy with glasses in high school. Yet when the guy with glasses becomes rich and successful, the woman who is pregnant and obviously got pregnant by some loser, now wants to be with him.

The guy in the photo won’t have any of this, because he’s more mature now, he understands that she said no to him in the past, and openly mistreated him. He also figures that she has some kind of ulterior motive since all the sudden she’s interested in him. She is also pregnant and has a baby in her arm.

Now for the big question, why would you be so naive and think she all the sudden cares about you? Especially since she has a kid by another man? Do you not find this suspicious at all? Do you really think that there aren’t women out there who have the potential to use men? Do you really think there aren’t women out there that won’t use their kids as leverage too? You would be wrong to think “no” on any of this.

While not all single mothers are terrible people, there are some out there with ulterior motives, who want to use a guy to support them financially and their kid/kids. A lot of times these particular single moms don’t love the guys they get with to support them financially. Sometimes they end up marrying these guys, have more kids with him, and get a divorce and take the kids and the money with them.

If it were me in this situation and I were you and a man, I would rather be the guy who got rejected in the photo and came out on top as a mature and mindful person. I would not want to be a guy, who is being approached by a girl who rejected him years ago, and has a kid/some kids in the mix. Its a red flag the majority of the time.

Rachel Felice
studied at State University of New York

6w ago

We need more deeeets here. To be honest, I have been a single mother. It was (in MY experience) a very vulnerable place to be in. How long has she been a single mother? How old is the child? What happened to her ex? Is her “baby daddy” still in the picture? How long ago did she reject you and in what way? <~~~please specify 🙂

You are smart—-I’m sure because you seem to be thinking about it before impulsively jumping to her side. Anyways, what’s it mean and what should you do? It truly depends on all those above stated factors and if you DO make the move to see what it’s all about-be weary. I would caution you to tread really lightly. Sometimes, women can be vulnerable or desperately trying to find validation, some of us are even *gasp* users. NOT saying she is… she and every woman on earth has the capability-especially if the woman is a single mother. Now, on with ze details please. 🙂

Adam Wu

6w ago

So many answers here jumping to conclusions completely unjustifiable by the evidence given.

First ask yourself, do you want her back in your life?

Do you want her and her child back in your life? Because she and that child are going to be a package deal.

Think about this carefully. If the answer is no, then walk away now.

If the answer is yes, then why are you bothering to ask strangers on the internet for advice?

If the answer is maybe, then see her, and talk to her. Do that arcane but quintessential human thing called communication. Find out what she wants from you. Find out how she has changed (it’s been years. Trust me, you both have.) What is she meaning by “hanging out”?

And talk to her child, too.

Are the things they want compatible with the things you want?

Gather what information you need, then decide what you want to do. Forget this ridiculous alpha male/beta male/backup plan crap. Those are just labels. And largely uninformative ones at that. What matters is knowing what you want, and what will make you happy. And if it does make you happy, who cares what other people call it?

They can all go jump in a lake as far as you are concerned.

You do not yet know if any sort of relationship beyond a one time meet and chat is in the cards. And if you want more than that you need to find out.

You certainly aren’t committing to anything by agreeing to meet and talk once.

Bottom line: know thyself, and choose for yourself.

Andy Goodwin
former Investment Manager

5w ago

Before jumping into this, you might want to consider the legal doctrine of “child by consent”. In most states in the US (and other countries), if you act as a father to a child (defined vaguely), you can be forced to pay child support. Let’s say you start dating this girl. You like the kid, so you buy him clothes, take him to school, read him bedtime stories, etc. Normal things that everybody does. When/if she breaks up with you, she can take you to court and get child support out of you. The reason courts do this is because they think it’s in the best interests of the kid to have you help to support him.

Some states also have “common law marriage” which means they’ll treat you as if you were married and you have to pay her alimony as well.

Anyway, I’m not saying that’s what will happen, but you might want to consider the possibility because, as others have mentioned, some women are very protective of their kids and they’ll do whatever it takes to improve their condition.

Dennis Manning
Occasional superhero

6w ago

Depends on how long ago she rejected you. If it’s been a decade or so, go ahead and hang out but proceed with caution.

Anything less than that makes me highly suspicious that she’s looking for a baby daddy to help her. Her beau probably knocked her up, and then left to avoid responsibility. Now she’s struggling, and most of the guys she knows won’t date women with kids. She remembers you and what a nice guy you were, and hopes you’ll take responsibility for another man’s “oopsie”.

Go ahead and hang out, but get details before proceeding. You should never be chosen as a backup plan because her beau walked out.

Original siteon Quora

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